Answer To a Memory
by Raiyo
Summary: If you could wish for anything in the world, what would it be? Gokudera ponders this question. YamaGokuish


Here is another YamaGoku fic. I just love writing Gokudera, he's such a fun character. This is sort of inspired by Kaikouken's Naruto story Fear. It's a great story, you should give it a read. I hope you enjoy this.

Parings: Well... Squint a little bit and you'll see YamaGoku. It's there.

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**Answer To a Memory**

The first time he hears the voice, he is three. A child, happy, energetic, with a smile on his face. He has been taken away from his home and to the music hall. His senses are overwhelmed by sound. His eyes are fixed on the glittering keys and the hands that seem to fly over them. It comes first as the sound of applause

"_If you could wish for anything in the world, what would you wish for?"_

He begins to look around, then stops and nods, as if accepting something. Then a smile breaks out onto his face, his green eyes sparkling.

"I want to play the piano."

He answers, even though he doesn't know if the voice was real or not.

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Years pass. He is six and a great pianist, a child protégé. Yet, it seems that his skills have been lost on the world from that moment when he had accepted his sisters gift. His playing is tainted by the things. Running hasn't helped, he can't seem to get away. So why, was he here? The thorns of the rose bush dig sharply into his skin, creating faint lines of red. He has stopped feeling their pain though, because this is the place where he feels the most comfortable, even if the reason why remains unknown to him.

"_If you could wish for anything in the world, what would you wish for?"_

The voice comes again, blowing in with the wind, and sounding like a rustle of leaves. Its closer this time but no more real.

He looks down at his slowly smoking stomach and back into the lone rose that is the farthest away from his small form.

"I want to escape."

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And so he does. A new tutor comes, chasing away his sister and giving him a better place in the world. He's not like the others, full of lies and faked kindness, no, this new tutor is not like that at all. He's not like anyone else, he's loud and rude, but in some strange way he's everything that is needed. The lies still exist, but somehow his life seems just a little bit more truthful than usual when he is with the older man. He is happy like he hasn't been for years and, for a few months, he forgets about the voice, till it comes as the swish of a paper airplane just meters away.

"_If you could wish for anything in the world, what would you wish for?"_

He doesn't even have to think.

"I want to be just like Shamal"

His hair is cut into a familiar style and he learns from Shamal, he learns how to kill.

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four years passes in a flash, and Shamal is long gone and loneliness begins to claw at the corners of his heart. He searches, has searched, will search. Lives a million years in a second and a second in a million years. He wants to be a part of something, but everywhere he goes, he is turned away. His personality has changed. The smiles are beginning to fade only to be replace by angry scowls. He doesn't think it really matters any more that he exists. This room is empty, the only sound is that of his breathing and the faint sizzle of the dynamite that he holds in his hand, not too close, not to far. He has just turned eleven and there is no one else in his world.

He isn't expecting it when the voice comes once again in the steady crackle of the fuse.

"_If you could wish for anything in the world, what would you wish for?"_

The surprise is only reflected in his eyes and disappears almost instantly. He knows the world.

"I don't want to be lonely anymore."

He wonders how much it will hurt if he kills himself.

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It is three more years of wandering until he meets Tsuna and all of the anger that had built up in his heart disappears. He thinks that he has finally found peace in his heart. So, he doesn't understand why a person like that is foolishly unaware of his own worth. Maybe it is because of that, that is just the type of person Sawada Tsunayoshi is. He just doesn't understand that he himself is foolish as well. He is glad that he came here to Japan, even when it has been the place that has tormented him from afar for years.

When the voice comes next, in the firing of Reborn's gun and the bullet that almost grazes him, he makes a promise.

"_If you could wish for anything in the world, what would you wish for?"_

"I want to protect the tenth."

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So, he does, and that is is only purpose, until he meets the person who sends his heart into flips. This person shakes his whole world. He steals the tenth's affection with out even knowing it, and this fact hurts, because he's probably not even trying. What hurts even more, however, is that he cares for him. Yamamoto Takeshi cares for him when everyone else has turned their back.

This time the voice comes as Yamamoto's laugh as places an arm on his shoulder.

"_If you could wish for anything in the world, what would you wish for?"_

"I don't want to have to see his face anymore."

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Peace lasts for months, until it is shaken and falls from its perch. They fight, they win. Then another battle its there following in on the coat tails of the first, the real battle. He trains tirelessly and in the end, he perfects his new technique. It's not enough, he loses. So he places his trust in Yamamoto.

Now the voice is the clang of swords.

"_If you could wish for anything in the world, what would you wish for?"_

"I don't want you to lose."

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A year passes, then another, and another after that. Countless battles have been fought, thee Rings are in their possession and none but the Vongola rule over the world. They were in a time of peace, or they had been, until their rule was challenged once again. Nameless opponents, countless opponents, each wanting a place of power so that they could grant their own selfish wishes. So, he fights, always in the center of it all till he finally meets his match in the form of a young boy that makes him pause. He doesn't even have time to doge, but he keeps his eyes open so as not to miss the last moments of his life. Yet he does not die. He is saved by Yamamoto, stupidly throwing himself in front of him, Protecting him.

He hears the voice in Yamamoto's raspy whisper that is right against his heart as he answers the question of "Why?", the answer that makes his heart stop.

"_If you could wish for anything in the world, what would you wish for?"_

This time, he doesn't have and answer.

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Time goes on, it's the anniversary of his death, and Gokudera Hayato is eighteen years old and lonely. His silver hair falls limply into his face and there are crumpled flowers in his hand. The dark stormy sky is reflected into his green orbs and wind blows the smoke from his cigarette out behind him. It hasn't rained in all the time that Yamamoto's been gone, it's stormed. The funeral had been sunny though, because, he guessed, the rain had died with him, leaving an ever raging storm in the hearts of the people and no means to cry.

The voice comes to him again as hot breath ghosting over his ear and phantom arms closing around him. It is closer than ever, and Gokudera senses finality in its tone.

"_If you could wish for anything in the world, what would you wish for?"_

"I wish I could see you just one more time."

The touch vanishes and Gokudera walks away, but not before throwing the flowers and letting them scatter in the wind and fall at the cold stone of the grave.

He has given his answer.

Blood red roses scatter in the mirroring rain.


End file.
